Diary of a Mass Murderer

Bullied since I entered the building

For my weirdly shaped head

I thought I was better?

The insults grind up and smash

against my tiny brain

Like a storm of jagged stones

They even throw them at me

 

My family can’t even look at me

They pass my room

Squeaking some faint noise

Shove my food on a tray and slide it

Under my door, like a prison

“Have you got a job yet?”

 

Their names stand like ghosts

Whispering around my brain

I can hear their words in my dreams

That’s right, I’m nothing, my ocean

The shampoo in my eyes

 

She left me and I felt nothing

I’ve played out the scene in my head

A thousand times before in my mind

Before we even met

I acted sad on the stage

But in actuality nothing is reacting

I just drink a glass of orange juice

 

The nitrous fills my lungs

I float higher than the balloon in front of me

 

When I come back down

My eyes break like glass

 

A Million Angry Flies

A million flies blind my view

Their swarming black bodies buzz against me

I can feel their sick warmth

They are all I can hear

All I can

See

I walk

In search of an exit

The more I move

The more aggrivated they become

Their buzzing changes tone

Landing en-masse on my pasty skin

Vibrating their wings so rapidly

I begin to melt gradually

I close my eyes in absolute

Terror

 

The buzzing stops

I open my eyes

Slowly

A pure white horizon

Burnt out silver sun

I see her silhouette

 

I swear I can hear harps

Grotesque Originality

I can’t make a painting ooze with emotion

I can’t make words pour like honey into your ears

I can’t make musical notes work together in communion

But

I can watch others

I watch them love

I watch them create

I watch them live

And I copy

I copy everything they do

I steal and crop parts I like

And stick them together

Showing myself off as an original

When to be honest

I don’t think I really have a self

A Million of Me

Press your head against my chest

Drunkedly half-assed dancing

To teenage angst-filled songs

With lyrics that only we think we get

 

I’ll hold you and kiss you

Just like millions of others

Right at this moment

 

A million versions of me

In alternate universes

Maybe they’re holding you

Maybe they’re holding another

But what we all feel

Holding our woman

It’s like a cold wave

Flooding our scorched brains

The steam lets off a hiss

Blinding us for a while

In a haze of pink

And when it fades

We all gaze into a face

That simply makes our hearts soar

Pity or Envy

A street full of petty faces

Eyes without colour

Hands without warmth

Their footing is awkward

And they don’t know where they are going

They just follow the person in front

And hope for the best

 

They are ideal citizens

If not for the fact they do not work

I don’t know whether to pity them or envy them

My body and soul belongs to a business

But theirs runs free in the streets

 

If only they knew where they were going

A Deep Tranquil Blue

A path of bright stars appears in front of me

Leading to a dark sky

A night that will never end

A darkness that will forever be still

 

I follow it

until the stars beneath my feet

Burn out and fall to black

 

My thoughts turn from

Alarming Green

To worried yellow

To angry red

Until I reach a peaceful blue

 

A deep peaceful blue that lingers

Ringing sofly in my mind

until it falls and dissipates

Into the night

 

I slowly melt into black

Now that my mind has given way

I melt into what we were

And what we are always meant to be