Dearest Ewa

And I write of you

In full feeling

Full respect of love and history

That your memory stays in mind

While I move on forward

Maybe the roads are unforgiving

That I may trip and lose my way

But even so

Worse would I be

If I didn’t take them at all

I hope in the deepest ocean of your heart

You forgive me and understand

That the human condition

Wasn’t a disease I meant to have contracted

I signed a deal I wasn’t aware of

When I came here to breathe my first lungful of air

That I didn’t mean to hurt you

That you will always possess

A chunk of my heart

Stargazing

All the feelings gone

And my heart I thought

Dead

But the blood comes creeping in

Breathing fresh movement

New eyes

Exploding in front of me

Like fireworks

In a night sky

Different colours

The way they explode

The sounds they make

Desperately trying to make their mark

If only for a second

To catch someone’s attention

 

I think I’ll just lay gazing for a while

 

Rotten Mind

There’s a fly inside of me

That I try to ignore

But it keeps bloody buzzing

Away in there

I try to drown it in booze

But it dodges it

I try to punch it

But I only hurt myself

I try to smoke it out

But it’s unfazed

 

The buzzing gets louder

When I try to sleep

I wake up to its noise

Barely with it

 

I don’t remember a time

It not being there

But it’s getting louder every day

To the point where I can’t hear

Other people

Or, myself

And

That’s dangerous

Drunk Poem

I lose a little bit of my soul

Everytime I listen to it

Everytime it makes me feel something

The past tears away a part of me

Claims it forever

And I can never touch it again

The blank emotions watch

Trying to remember what it was like to feel

Because honest to God I don’t remember

It starts to worry me

So I try not to listen to the music I used to

To keep the fading feelings safe, locked up

 

I think I never truly felt anything

That I forced it

To match the music of this world

The rhythm