A crack that was once sealed

Tears open in my heart

The unnamed creatures pour out

Winged, finned

Thousand legged

Thousand eyes

Countless monsters

Wreak havoc in my body

They pull at my heart strings

They cement my thoughts

They dry my skin

Scratching behind my eyes

With their claws

Their laughter

Denies me any focus

I once had

I let their destructive rage


Until they tire

And go home

I re-seal the crack

To begin repairs on my body


A Million Angry Flies

A million flies blind my view

Their swarming black bodies buzz against me

I can feel their sick warmth

They are all I can hear

All I can


I walk

In search of an exit

The more I move

The more aggrivated they become

Their buzzing changes tone

Landing en-masse on my pasty skin

Vibrating their wings so rapidly

I begin to melt gradually

I close my eyes in absolute



The buzzing stops

I open my eyes


A pure white horizon

Burnt out silver sun

I see her silhouette


I swear I can hear harps


I am an awkward chord progression

Hanging in the air

That everyone wishes would end

It’s not a problem

I tell myself

With a diagnosis at hand

The solo comes

I’m in the spotlight

I try to find my note

My special note

Up and down the guitar fretboard

I can’t find it anywhere

So I let myself swing back and forth

With the noose around my neck

Legs swaying in colourful mist

In front of the audience

Clapping without caring


Suicidal Fantasy

I grab a chair from the kitchen

Moving it to the centre of the room

Where a noose hangs from the ceiling

I learnt the hangman’s knot

From the scouts

One of the only things I could do right


I stood up on the chair

And looked around my living room

So dark, so empty

There’s no substance

Empty pots, dirty plates

There’s no living here

The window shows me

The bleak landcsape of the moors

Lifeless, dead trees

Grey skies

Carcasses of sheep


I look through the noose


A land of sharp, green grass

Vibrant, powerful colours

Flowers of the rainbow

Pure white skies

Bustling wildlife, birds of paradise

Singing sweet songs of euphoria


I kick the chair


My neck doesn’t break


So I guess I’ll just have to wait

The two worlds merge together

Like broken clips of film

Till I’ve lost all distinction between the two

Out of focus, blurry

The pixels dislodge and fly off

In all directions

Losing colour as they fizzle out

Fading into a harmonious white

My body breaks up

Melting into the white fabric

I see bits of memory float away

Dreams, reality, nothing..


A Storm’s Kiss

A silver fog blurs my vision

Till I’m left with nothing but hearing

I can feel the grey sea moaning

As the long forseen storm

Searches for me

Shouting my name with such power

That I cower into the fetal position

The storm sends out hurricane after hurricane

Searching for me

Asking the sea

If it’s seen me anywhere

The sea shrugs

With a nonchalant moan

The fog finally betrays me

Lifting itself


The storm has found me

It materialises into human form

Kissing me with thunder

Every day is the same, so are dreams

He sits and waits

For a message, a text

A notification


To stop him from thinking about the

dull ache in his ass

From sitting in this chair

All day long


No door bells being rung

Nor the phone ringing

No fly, buzzing,  to fill in the emptiness


People don’t walk past my house much anymore

I’ll leave my curtains open this time

So if they do

They can see me


I watch documentaries on life

To make me feel I’m living it


I read quotes about hard times

To feel validated

Chewing on popcorn

Sipping strawberry milkshake


I come into a pair of pants


I stay up till 6am

Watching static and listening to distortion


My dreams come

She taunts me

Makes me feel ashamed

They laugh together

He sprays deodrant in my eye

I’m pushed, I fractured my wrist

Following me home

Throwing rocks

And words

Till I scream

No one sees it

They lock me inside

I have a knife in my bag


I wake up

Then repeat

The difference between dreams and reality

Are hard to tell these days