Hardened Leather

People are good to me

But I don’t think they are

People shower me with words

That are mostly good

But I listen to the ones that aren’t

I listen to the criticisms, the insults

The bullying

Because it hurts

I like the pain it inflicts

It tears at me

It pulls off and flicks my skin away

Into a dirty bucket

Leaving me raw and fresh

Ready for infection

Which I don’t allow

My skin grows back twice as strong

Like hardened leather

Ready to be torn, again and again

And again

A Real Dream

Your words come to me

Slowly, as if it were a dream

Their muffled sounds penetrate me

Until the meaning becomes clearer

I can make sense of the dream now

“You’re a waste.”

 

It’s a sound I’d like to forget

But it keeps rolling around in my head

I keep dreaming it

Your laughter starts to become clearer

I can see it’s just good sport to you

But I’m boiling from the inside

Boiling, slowly erupting

Was it a dream

Did you really?

 

Every day is the same, so are dreams

He sits and waits

For a message, a text

A notification

Anything

To stop him from thinking about the

dull ache in his ass

From sitting in this chair

All day long

 

No door bells being rung

Nor the phone ringing

No fly, buzzing,  to fill in the emptiness

 

People don’t walk past my house much anymore

I’ll leave my curtains open this time

So if they do

They can see me

 

I watch documentaries on life

To make me feel I’m living it

 

I read quotes about hard times

To feel validated

Chewing on popcorn

Sipping strawberry milkshake

 

I come into a pair of pants

 

I stay up till 6am

Watching static and listening to distortion

 

My dreams come

She taunts me

Makes me feel ashamed

They laugh together

He sprays deodrant in my eye

I’m pushed, I fractured my wrist

Following me home

Throwing rocks

And words

Till I scream

No one sees it

They lock me inside

I have a knife in my bag

 

I wake up

Then repeat

The difference between dreams and reality

Are hard to tell these days